By Jena Isle
Parents sometimes fail to recognize that building a good and strong bond with their children does not come in a silver platter. They will have to work hard for it.
My greatest fear when I started rearing my children was the fear that they could not trust me with their growing-up "secrets". I have watched families which were destroyed by the lack of close bonding between parent and child. The child turned to drugs, etc to find that sense of "closeness" and "belongingness" which he/she could not find at home.
It is with this in mind that I took extra effort to let them know that I trusted their judgment and I will always be there for them even when people turn their backs on them that - their family members are the persons that they could truly trust in everything and anything under the sun.
This will then prevent them from going outside and looking for understanding from a group in which they could feel that sense of belongingness.
I am the parent whom my children can consider their mentor, confidante, and friend.
I married early so my kids are not very far from my age.
In fact when my eldest was 25, they thought he was my younger brother, even at times, mistaking him as my husband.
My only daughter and I, talk up to the wee hours of dawn when she has some love problems.
Like when she had her first crush, we talked all night long and I listened as she told me stories about how intelligent and handsome the boy was.
I knew all her crushes and her boyfriends in her growing up years up to the time that she got married.
My son, in turn had a crush when he was 5 yrs old (I was astonished when he told me this as I thought at that age, he was still incapable of crushes).
I bought a teddy bear for the pretty girl during her birthday and my son was elated.
I am not encouraging them to get serious about their crushes, I know that this is a normal phase of growing up and I am glad I was there for them as I was able to guide them to the right path and simultaneously I want them to enjoy their lives as normal, growing up kids.
When there was a fraternity in the school where my son was enrolled and he informed me that they were inviting him to join (to prove his manhood), I was so worried.
When he expressed his desire to join them, I panicked. We had a long, heart to heart talk and I encouraged him instead to join the ROTC officer's training which was then - Thank God!-being conducted in their school.
I pointed out to him that this could develop his physical stamina too. I was able to convince him and we were both on cloud nine when he passed the rigorous officer's training and became an officer in the University's ROTC.
I became a "parent" figure too at times when it was needed, but I never instituted corporal punishment.
I believe that "honey can attract more ants, than vinegar", so I tried the positive approach- recognizing them for deeds well done.
They were still young then and any learning should be properly explained to them so they could understand the rationale behind specific decisions.
They themselves changed when they were properly motivated. Decisions regarding things that concerned them were usually done after consultation with them.
Acknowledging their ability to decide properly had reinforced their belief in themselves.
If it was something minor, I allowed them to decide for themselves. When their decision was wrong; however, I put my foot down and implemented what's best for everyone.
I had always shown them that I love them unconditionally and this had made them stronger and more confident to go out into the world and meet the challenges that life has to offer.
A positive approach to parenting is always the best choice to allow our children to grow and develop as responsible parents in the future and good citizens of the community in which they live in.
Jena Isle blogs at Gewgaw Writings, a neat blog that I wouldn't have found if it hadn't been for whateverebay, who retweeted my request for guest bloggers. She brings a truly different perspective, because she is blogging from the Phillipines. As a typical American slob, I had never given a whole lot of thought to the Phillipines, but since reading Jena's blog, I've learned that the Phillipines are pretty darn cool. You can't walk there, but you could walk most of the way there and then swim the rest of the way, and hopefully not get eaten by a shark or stung by a box jellyfish or die of exhaustion since it's like thirty thousand miles. (Or just take a plane. Whichever.) I imagine the Phillipines smells warm and oceany. And I bet they have some damn good food in the Phillippines too. Add this to a place I want to visit. Go check out her blog, it's really cool.
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