Contact: superninjamommy [at] gmail [dot] com

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My Deepest Darkest Yuletide Secret, Revealed

I have a deep, dark secret that I've never told anyone, except my brother (TOWAN), and he made a weird face at me and called me disgusting.

But I am going to tell you now, on the basis that absolutely must not tell anyone, no matter what. Pinky swear.

I have an undying love, and no matter how hard I fight it, it just won't go away. I think about it all the time. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and let my mind wander - imagining my love's beautiful curves and forbidden taste.

Its hard to be in love when your crush is the most despised of it's kind. No one likes my taboo obsession. They make stupid jokes, jokes that aren't even funny because they're so cliche, and I have to chuckle along so no one finds out my secret.

Today, I conceal my love no longer. It's time to come right out and proclaim it. If I had a Trapper Keeper, I would write my crush's name in big letters with a heart around it. I would write S.N.M. + [name] = luv 4evr.

I don't have a Trapper Keeper, so I'm just going to say it, once and for all. I am going to stand up and proclaim my everlasting, undying yearning.

I love fruitcake.

I do. I really do. I love you, fruitcake, and your dried colorful fruits, and your crunchy nuttiness, and your delicious rum soaked goodness. I LOVE YOU, FRUITCAKE, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. I dream of you all year long, but especially right after Thanksgiving, and I spend every day hoping someone will send me a fruitcake for Christmas, but no one ever does, because supposedly, everyone hates fruitcake. I get so mad when people make fun of you, fruitcake. I think if people actually tried you, instead of buying into the "fruitcake sucks" argument, they would love you too.

People don't understand our love, fruitcake, but I don't care. I will continue to pine after you and yearn to taste your sweet, sweet flavor, and maybe next year, someone will send me a fruitcake for Christmas.


iMommy said...

Hilarious! I've never tried it, but you can be sure I will this year (if anyone sends us some!)

Momma Bear said...

Me too!

You said trapper keeper...that's awesome. I so loved my trapper keeper perhaps even more than fruit cake hah! Merry xmas

Jenni said...

Wow, fruitcake? You can have all fourteen of mine then.

Hope you had a good holiday!