Home again, home again, jiggity jog.

HOME. I was so ready to come home from vacation, mostly because I forgot to pack underwear and the ones I bought in Ohio were a size too small. Here are my observations about Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky, in no particular order.

The Newport Aquarium is a very cool place. My girls got to lead the Penguin Parade, which I thought was very appropriate. Then the lady told everyone, "Don't put your hands in his little cart, because this penguin bites," and as she said that, she put her hand in and then penguin attacked her.

Sharks are really scary on tv. They have those teeth and all, you know. Well, sharks are even scarier in real life, up close. I would never want to meet up with a shark in the ocean, because it would be really scary for everything to be all dark and calm and then all of sudden, this hideous face is in front of you. (I don't think a shark would eat me though. I am not very tasty.)

Ohio has the nicest roads I have ever been on. Not a pothole to be seen. Indiana's are almost as good. Michigan has the worst roads I've ever been on.

For the most part, Ohio is unbelievably flat. I've never been to the prairie, but I'm guessing Ohio is similar to that. Just flat, as far as you can see. But then as you go into the southeast corner of the state, it starts to get mountainous. Well, mountainous to me anyway. I've never seen real mountains. Probably it was just foothills or something.

Near the Indiana Michigan border, there are bazillions of tobacco and fireworks stores, because cigarettes are expensive in Michigan, and fireworks are illegal.

You can't gamble in Ohio, but you can buy tasers.

Dayton is a dying city. It reminds me of Flint. I don't know it's history but it looks like it was once prosperous and then something happened. I saw a real ghost in Dayton, the first time I've ever seen a ghost, but I will tell you about that some other time. I also saw homeless people and tons of abandoned buildings, like in Flint, or like the south side of Saginaw.

There are unbelievably ornate buildings in Chillicothe Ohio. Everything in Ohio is older than it is here - the oldest building I've ever seen here in Michigan was built in the 1870's. In Ohio there are buildings from the late 1700's.

I saw something in Ohio that I have not seen in literally years - Help Wanted signs. It was shocking to me that anyone would just put up a sign like that, because here, if you did that, you would be overrun with people. It would be a people stampede, and someone would get hurt. Just as an example - a new casino is opening in Battle Creek, and they had a job fair. There were 1,500 available jobs. There were over 14,000 applicants. They waited outside in line for a day and a half.

CiCi's pizza is the worst place I have ever eaten in my entire life. Ever.
The Golden Corral is a close second.

There are like ten thousand Bob Evans restaurants in Ohio. We have a couple here, but they are totally mediocre, and only old people go there. I got really hungry on Sunday so I ordered take out from Bob Evans (right across from our hotel) because I was so sick of fast food and granola bars. Turns out, Bob Evans in Ohio is pretty darn good. Way better than Michigan.

I saw at least 35 cops in Ohio. They all had people pulled over. We didn't go over the ridiculously low speed limit in Ohio. Here in Michigan, the speed limit on the freeway is 70mph (except in the city.) Most people go 80 or 85. You hardly ever see anyone pulled over. You hardly ever get pulled over. And if you do, most likely you only get a warning. (Or maybe its just me.)

Overall, Ohio and Indiana are pretty nice places. If the Great Lakes swallowed up Michigan, I would totally move down there. From what I saw, Kentucky is a nice place too. They have a nice aquarium, but I had to wait for like ten minutes in the White Castle drive though. Luckily the nice aquarium outweighs crappy White Castle service.

Next year, we'll go through southeastern Ohio in to West Virginia. I bet that will be uproariously funny. I guess I never realized just how "upper midwest" I really am.