Six Things You Didn't Know But You Will Know When You're Done Reading These Six Things You Didn't Know.

Check it out, I've been tagged! Susan over at One Year Apart tagged me to write about six things that I haven't written about but should write about. (Got that?) Then I have to tag six more people, but I don't think I have six friends in blogworld... but we'll see.

Six Things You Didn't Know But You Will Know When You're Done Reading These Six Things You Didn't Know.

1. My son is intact (uncircumcised,) and genital integrity is an important personal cause for me. I don't blog about it because I don't feel like dealing with pro-circ morons people who might stumble on my blog and comment and get me all pissed off.

2. I have a cross-eyed cat named Ling. She purred in my face while I was in labor with The Babe. For two whole days. I don't know why she's cross eyed. We got her as a kitten and her eyes were cloudy and I thought she was blind, so that's why we chose her, but turns out she isn't blind at all, just cross-eyed. She is about 8 months old now, and she has long soft gray fur, and her belly and face and feet are white. And her eyes are crossed. If she was a person, she'd be the weird kid who sits behind the school bus driver and wears a seat belt.

3. Having babies 1 year, 1 month, 1 week, and 1 day apart is hard, but not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. At first it was really difficult, but we adjusted and after a week or two it was just like I had been doing it forever. I wouldn't choose to do it again, because its just really time consuming and I don't get a minute to myself hardly, and there are moments when I get overwhelmed and don't know what to do (like when both babies are crying and one wants to be held and one wants to nurse and I'm like WTF have I done.) But all in all its a lot easier than I had imagined it would be.

4. The Hub is a scrap collector. Yes, he has a real job, but if he could, he would quit and become a junk man. I'm not kidding. Its a good thing we live in the country, because our yard is full of crap. At last count we had ten or twelve push mowers, three screen doors with no screens, two riding lawn mowers, an old fridge with no doors, an exercise machine, four metal barrels full of bits of metal, a broken window air conditioner, three snow-blowers, two bike frames, and a leaf blower. None of the mowers work, which is a good thing, because then the grass grows real tall and hides all that crap. He says he's waiting for the scrap prices to go up so he can take it all in and recycle it for money. But scrap has been high for months now... I think he just likes having a bunch of crap in the yard. (In case you're wondering, the crap is all on the east side of my house, sort of behind the garage, and the kids don't play over there, because I think probably bees have built nests in all that shit.)

5. In real life, I cuss like a sailor. Maybe if a sailor and a truck driver had a baby, that baby would come out cursing and swearing, and then that baby would grow up and we would be cuss twins. Or something like that. I try not to swear around my kids, but I can't help it. I am always saying things like "suck my ass" when John McCain comes on t.v., or if I hurt myself I almost always say "God damn, fuck me in the arse." Yeah, I know. I'm probably going to hell. But other than swearing all the time, I think I'm a pretty good person. Good enough for God anyway. Me and God, we're on pretty good terms. He wishes I didn't swear but He's like, well you could be doing a lot worse. We're cool. Oh yeah, and my kids don't swear. I told them they can say those words when they grow up, but its bad for kids to say them. For the record, I have been talking like this for as long as I can remember, and I had my mouth soaped out countless times as a kid, and finally my mom gave up. My kids love that story, about Mom getting her mouth soaped out every day.

6. I don't have any friends in the real world, and to be totally honest, this suits me just fine. I don't really like people that much. No, actually, I like people from a distance. I just don't like getting close to people. People are nasty and vicious, especially other moms. Every other mom I have ever met in real life has been a total bitch. (This doesn't count internet friends who I knew really well and then met in the real world later.) The moms at EJ's school are judgmental and rude, and have their own little cliques. The moms at Four's preschool are the same way. They've all known each other for a long time and when I try and talk to them they totally exclude me and make me feel like an idiot. That's kind of how its always been for me, because I tend to be sarcastic and cynical and brutally honest. So I give up. If that's the way people are, fuck 'em. I don't need real life friends. I have a great relationship with an awesome man, four gorgeous children, and a couple real friends on the internet, and that's cool with me.

Okay, now I have to tag six more people. Let's see...
Okay, Laura at Lead Your Lives, Susie at Be Strong and Courageous, Issa at Issas Crazy World, Catherine at Her Bad Mother, Mommy-Medic at Firefightin' Soccer Mom, and mckmama at My Charming Kids. Only one rule... if you choose to participate, you have to tag six more people, and you have to link back.


And there you have it: Six Things You Didn't Know But Now You Know After Reading These Six Things You Didn't Know.