My Life Ambitions

Ten things I want to do:

1. Learn to dance like Michael Jackson, because MAN! That guy can DANCE!

2. Walk to Alberta, or maybe farther, and take my morbidly obese chihuahua with me because he could use the exercise. It will be the grandest adventure ever. Ever. I am seriously planning this one. I already have a map and stuff. I figure it should only take 22 days, not counting sleeping time, so maybe six weeks total. I will leave in May and get there in June or July, and hang out for awhile and then come home, because it's probably pretty boring out there in the woods.

3. Get paints and canvas and learn how to paint like Bob Ross, because Bob Ross effin rocks.

4. Get a really nice camera and take classes and become a good photographer. Not a great photographer, just a good one. Good is good enough.

5. Chihuahua-proof my house, and get a bunch of chihuahuas, and laugh when they run around and yap. And maybe give them some sort of caffeinated beverage so they will spend more time running around yapping, because that is so funny when they do that.

6. Read every book in the library, even the stupid ones. And also, make a catalog of all the books I've ever read, just because.

7. Build a log cabin in my back yard. Except really, it will be more like a shed, because if it's bigger than 10' by 10' the township will make me get a building permit, and what if I get a building permit and then I don't build a log cabin? The township will think I'm nutjob, and they already yell at me for having too much junk in my yard.

8. Create some sort of invention that would turn black jelly beans into bio-fuel, because no one eats the black jelly beans anyway. I would also like to point out that this was an idea I had when I was in chemistry class and seventeen years old, in 1999, when we were not in the midst of an economic crisis. But no one ever listens to me.

9. Dig a swimming pool in my backyard, with a shovel and a pick-axe. I figure eventually I will reach water anyway and then I won't have to wait four days for the pool to fill up via garden hose. I don't have the patience to wait four days for it to fill up because hello. I just dug a swimming pool by hand, and did you know, that would take you forever. I would be a hundred years old and if I waited for it to fill up, I might die before I get a chance to swim in it, and that would just piss me off.

10. Get an adult sized trike and ride around with all my chihuahuas and pick up cans for deposit. (See I am assuming that by the time I reach goal #10, I will have accomplished goal #5.) I would use one of these to help pick up the cans, because the chihuahuas would get real mad if I kept stopping, and they would probably bite me in the neck. Chihuahuas are moody like that.