You can talk to them, but it's useless.

The other day was a hard, hard day at our house. The weather has been nasty for a week or so now, so we couldn't get outside, and the van broke down and has been in the shop, so we couldn't even go for a ride.

It was one of those days where all of the kids are crying for no apparent reason. When they weren't crying and whining, they were doing their best to eradicate each other. I was nursing The Babe with Beastie on my lap, a feat in itself, and all I could hear from the bedroom was "She hit me!" and then "Nuh-uh! She hit me fust!" and then "Mo-om! She's lookin' at me!" and "I'm only lookin' at her cause she's stawin' at me!" (Four can't say her r's quite right.)

It was one of those days, and I was thisclose to completely freaking out. So I called the older girls into the living room, and tried to have a heart to heart with them.

"Girls," I said, "I need you to be on your best behavior. Mommy has a migraine, and the babies are--"

"Mom?" Four interrupted.

"No, I'm talking. You can tell me when I'm done. Now, the babies are tired and cranky, and Mommy isn't feeling well. And it makes Mommy feel really angry when I hear you yelling at each other in the bedroom. So I need you to--"

"Mom?"

"Four, it's rude to interrupt. This is important. Girls, it's so hard for Mommy to do everything she needs to do, and it makes moms sad when we hear our children hurting each other. So I really really want you to try your best and be nice to each other. Because--"

"Mom?"

"Four! You need to wait! What have I told you about interrupting? Anyway, I just really need you to be big girls, and help each other and love each other so Mommy doesn't start yelling like a crazy person. Don't you hate it when Mommy yells? I do too. So let's get along, and be kind to each other, and stop hollering for mom every three seconds. Do you understand?"

EJ said, gently, "Yes, Mama."

And Four said, brightly, "Hi! I'm Lisa and I'm new here. Are you the teacher?"




Oh dear God.