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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Penis Cake (with pics.)

My sister in law, Trees, is a lot younger than me. She just turned 20, and I am (gulp) almost 27. A couple years ago, when I was 24 and Trees was 17, she invited me to a Pure Romance party that she herself had been invited to. I don't even want to tell you what Pure Romance is, because I know a bunch of pervs will google it and end up here, on this lil ole mommy blog. Okay I will tell you. Pure Romance sells s3x toy$. Got that?

Okay. So the thing is, everyone who came (ha!) to the party had to bring a s3x themed dessert. Then everyone voted, and the best dessert got a prize. We thought about making cupcakes that looked like b--bs, but then we had a better idea.

We decided to make a penis cake. As in, a cake that looked like a penis.

We bought miniature bundt cake pans and made a whole bunch of cakes. Then we stacked them all up and used a skewer to hold it all in place, and then we iced it pink.

We took the skewer out when we got there, of course, because, um, yeah.
But check it out. We made two penis cakes, because the first one ended up all over Trees. This is a great story.

This party was in the middle of February, and my porch was all covered in ice. We made the cake in the middle of the night, and we figured we would put it in the car overnight so my cats would stay out of it. (Because you don't want cat hair on your penis.)

The cake was kind of heavy, but we figured we could manage. It was top-heavy and kept wanting to tip, so Trees held one side of the plate and I held the other, and we carefully went down the three porch steps. We were bringing it to the driver's side of the car, since that was closest, but the door was locked. So we inched our way around to the passenger's side, Trees in reverse and me guiding her carefully and slowly, since it was so slippery.

We were almost there when Trees hit a patch of ice. She seemed to flounder there on the ice for the longest time before her feet finally slipped out from under her and she just plopped down on her ass, right there on the driveway. And the cake went with her, sliding, it seemed, in slow motion, right off the plate and all over her face and hair.

No one said anything for a moment, and then we broke into hysterical laughter. "Oh my God," she said. "Did you see that?" And that made me laugh even harder, because, um, duh. Of course I saw that. I helped her up, and we put the remains of the great penis cake on the plate, and we went inside to face the music -erm, our significant others.

You should have seen my brother, The Genius. I thought he was going to pee himself when he saw Trees all covered in pink gooey penis cake. There were big clumps of it stuck in her hair, and sticky icing smeared all over her face. She was laughing and crying at the same time, because we had worked so hard on that cake.

She got all cleaned up, and while she was in the shower I baked some more little bundt cakes. We were up till three am working on that second wiener, and we decided not to put it in the car until we left in the morning.

Here I am "tasting" cake number two. Notice I am wearing makeup in this picture. That s3x toy party must have been quite the occasion, considering I got dolled up and all.

Someone said our penis cake didn't have a head, and I said yes it does, its just not circumcised.

Now the best part is, we won the prize for best s3x themed dessert. It was a mini v!brator.
I let Trees have it; I wasn't up for sharing.


Tara said...

You claim you don't want perverts visiting, then use a phrase like "cat hair on your penis" lol ... someone is googling that phrase right now... lol

ps. You clean up real nice lady

Anonymous said...

Now that picture is worth at least TWO thousand words. Hee.