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Friday, December 5, 2008

Snakes in a Bed

This is a story about my cousin, Pedro. Sometimes I call him 'Dro, and other times I call him by his real name. Pedro is eighteen-ish months younger than me, and an only child, so we were naturally best friends as kids, and pretty much still are. (And for whatever reason, we have called him Pedro since he was like, three. I don't get it either.)

Pedro is scared to death of snakes. I mean, this guy is totally petrified of them. In all other ways, he's quite the man's man, working as a conductor on a coal train and spending his free time playing his XBox, which automatically qualifies him as a man. If you're anything like me, you want to know what he looks like, and I guess I would describe him as a regular guy. He's not dorky looking and he sometimes has a beard.

Anyway, now that you know 'Dro, I will tell you what happened to him.

Pedro was about fifteen years old, and had gotten into an argument with his mom, my Aunt Leeta. The argument died down, and she said, sarcastically, "If you don't knock off the attitude, I'll put snakes in your bed, buddy."
(You might call this child abuse, and I would agree if the child was like, four, but he was fifteen.)

So a couple hours go by, and 'Dro goes to bed. Around 3 am, he wakes up and feels a long, thin, cold thing wrapped around his left leg and intertwined with the other one. At first he is terrified, thinking it's a real snake, but quickly wakes up enough to realize that it couldn't possibly be real.

He sits up, unwraps this thing from his legs, and makes his way to his mom's bedroom. He bangs on her door and then barges in.

"Very funny, mom!" He yells, holding the long thing up. "That is so immature! Why would you even take the time to--"

"What?" She asks. "What are you talking about? Pedro, it's three in the morning. What the hell are you doing?"

"THIS!" He yells. "You put this fake snake in my bed!"

My aunt looked at the thing he was holding, and back at him. "Pedro," she says, patiently, "That is your alarm clock. Go back to bed."

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