I probably don't have swine flu, but I'm self diagnosing myself that way. The only thing I don't have is the runny nose. How can you have a fever, sore throat, enlarged lymph nodes, cough, chest congestion, aching sinues and a curly little tail, and NOT have swine flu? (Okay, I just made up the part about the curly tail. Maybe.)
I won't go to the doctor though. I don't like doctors. I think they're know it alls who probably know a tenth of what they think they do. Plus, every time I go to the doctor they call it a virus and tell me to rest. No shit, asshole. I think probably a transient could have told me that, and instead of a $150 bill, all it would cost me is a wrinkled dollar and maybe a cup of coffee.
So what do you think a person's chances are of dying of swine flu? Let me do a little math real quick...
To date - 800 swine flu deaths globally
World population - 6,774,081,888
Shit. I don't know how to figure this out. What percentage is 800 of 6,744,081,888? I think I need to do some division. My calculator can't even do this math. It gets all flustered. I think the answer is 0.0000000118097ish % of the world's population will die of swine flu. I think.
Seriously. Even if that's not the right answer, you know it has to be something equally ridiculous. If I die of swine flu, be sure they put a link to my blog in my obituary so everyone can come laugh at my idiot statistics. (Idiot not only because I have no idea what I'm doing, but also because that would be super-ironic, dying from swine flu.)
My Mom Body (aaay_macaroni)
3 days ago