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Monday, October 12, 2009

Barf and Bees.

I'm really glad to report that I have not yet given birth. I'm glad, because everyone here, except me, has been really sick. Some random stomach bug set up house during the night on Friday, so all day Saturday, all night, and then all day Sunday was spent cleaning up various disgusting bodily fluids.

This is the part where I totally fail as a mom.

I absolutely, positively cannot clean up vomit. I just can't. It's too disgusting.

I mean, if one of my kids throws up in their bed, I dunk them in the tub and set them up with a sleeping bag on my bedroom floor. If someone pukes on the floor, I cover it with towels until I can bribe convince someone else to clean it up. I just can't clean up vomit, not even my own, which is a problem when you've got inner ear issues.

Thankfully, The Hub was off this weekend. What a wonderful wife I am, allowing him to clean up barf on his days off. Hey, at least I kind of offered to do it myself, except it went like this: "Oh my GAWD, there's puke on the floor! [retching] I guess I don't mind cleaning it up, considering I spend every moment of every day taking care of these children. What's a little puke, when you spent probably a combined total of three hours a day changing diapers and wiping snotty noses?"

It worked.

And then there were bees.

I had to get a few groceries Saturday, and the kids, sick as they were, wanted to come with. So I outfitted everyone with a barf bag, and we all headed off to the grocery store.

When we got there, no one felt like going in. So The Hub ran in with my list while I stayed out in the car with everyone, and then we came home. The whole trip took a total of maybe forty five minutes.

We came home to the most horrifying thing I can think of.

When I walked in the door, I noticed three or four yellow jackets in the kitchen window. This is not unusual for this time of year, so The Hub killed them as I brought in the groceries. I had a bag in one hand and The Babe in the other when I looked up at the bay window in the dining room. There were at least thirty yellow jackets in the window, all furiously buzzing and trying to get out.

The Hub got the fly swatter and started killing them while I kept the kids away.

Then I went into the breezeway. The entry door in the breezeway is the kind of little diamonds of glass, and it was completely black. You couldn't see out it because of all the yellow jackets. They were swarming, and they were all inside my house.

I screamed and grabbed the kids and ran back out the kitchen door. We all got in the car and finally The Hub came out, looking slightly frazzled. He got in and we went to the hardware store and bought some wasp spray.

Since then, I am still dealing with the yellow jackets. Their nest is up in the sofit just outside the breezeway door, and it must be huge because they keep finding their way in through cracks in the wall. We've put tape up over every crack we could find and I think we've finally got a handle on them.

The worst part, though, is that I heard they hate mint oil, so I have it all over that breezeway, and the little bastards keep getting in. Seems like they actually kind of like mint oil. If anyone has a sinus infection, come over to my house because the mint is so strong you can hardly breathe. Clears you right up.

Anyway, my brother came today and patched up more holes, since I kept losing my balance on the chair, and so far no more bees. I keep having nightmares about bees. I'm scared to go in the bathroom at night because I fear I'll step on a bee. (A few have found their way in there.) And don't get me started on the breezeway - I won't set foot in there if I don't have to.

When we get a really hard killing frost, The Hub is going to take down that piece of sofit and remove the nest. Until then, I just have to hope for the best.

I'm so glad the baby didn't come this weekend, with the sick kids and wasps and all. What a wretched weekend.


Momma Bear said...

Good Lord Woman! That sounds awful. I don't think you're a bad wife at all for making the husband clean up puke on his days off, do you get days off?? And besides your super pregnant and don't need to be cleaning poop up if there's another able body that can do it. I'm here hoping it all gets cleared up before the babe comes too. Isn't the breezeway where you want to have your new babe?

Momma Bear said...

I said poop, not sure why, obviously i meant puke.

Joanna said...

My goodness you are a braver woman than me! My chicken self would be staying somewhere else until those bees met their maker.

Jenny said...

How awful! I'm terrified of bees. I'd probably be moving in with my parents until they were gone. My husband got sick after my due date, and I was glad the baby took a little extra time. It wasn't really bad, but it was a stomach bug and he probably would've been too tired to help during the birth, or enjoy meeting the new baby. I hope the bees are gone soon and that you have a happy birth!