.... no baby yet.
I've been having contractions since Thursday but none of them are productive. I'm officially 6 days overdue today, going by the latest due date. (Going by the first one, I'm 18 days overdue.)
I have a persistent headache that I'll have to talk to the midwife about. I get cramps and contractions and have lost scary amounts of mucus plug... but no baby. I am starting to feel like there is something wrong with my body, that maybe I'm not capable of giving birth. I couldn't do it four times before - the hospital had to do it.
Last night I dreamed I wasn't even pregnant. I dreamed it was all a misunderstanding, and there wasn't a baby in there after all. I woke up to furious kicking and hiccuping and even what felt like a backflip. Apparently the dream wasn't prophetic.
Everyday I wake up thinking "Maybe this will be the day." And then in the afternoon, when it becomes apparent that this isn't the day, I think "Maybe tomorrow will be the day." But it's never the day. The day doesn't seem to want to come.
I know I won't be pregnant forever. But I worry that maybe I sort of will. Maybe my body is so defective that it can't give birth, and the baby will end up dying in utero because it can't get out.
On top of all this, I feel like if I don't have the baby soon, people are going to find out that there is this serious defect with me. I've made The Hub stay home for two days because I think it's the day and then nothing happens. I don't want him to go back to work and have all the people there think his wife is a hypochondriac or an idiot.
I don't know what to do. None of the self induction techniques work. Not a single one! I even tried the mega-dose of castor oil, but as soon as I swallowed it, I barfed it all back up again. I don't think I can look at orange juice the same way again.
My Mom Body (aaay_macaroni)
3 days ago