2010 New Year's Resolutions

I have been thinking about my New Year's resolutions, and I have quite a few of them.

In 2010, I resolve to:

Not take up drinking and driving;

Not begin manufacturing methamphetamine;

Not have another baby;

Not start allowing my kids to play with matches;

Not get in the habit of eating lard straight from the container;

Not start bathing in hydrochloric acid;

Not purposely crash my van into a barn or pond;

And

Lose weight.


Of these eight resolutions, I can guarantee you that I will keep seven. That's an 87.5% success rate, which is, I'm betting, better than most people can celebrate (resolutionarily speaking, that is.)