The greatest gift of all.

I know, I know. The holidays aren't supposed to be about gifts. They aren't about giving gifts, receiving gifts, or anything else to do with gifts. The holidays are about a lady having an unassisted home stable birth, or, if you're not of that persuasion, celebrating the rededication of some temple way back in the day. (Yeah, I had to look that one up.) Or, for an entirely different perspective, the holiday is more of a "shortest day of the year" type thingy. If you aren't afraid to practice Islam in our fear-based, religiously prejudiced society, the winter holiday is about celebrating the Islamic New Year.

But really, all anyone cares about are the gifts.

I don't like receiving gifts, but I do like giving them. When I ask for gifts, I always ask for something practical, like underwear or measuring spoons or laundry soap. I always give practical gifts too. If you're on my gift list, don't be surprised to find razor cartridges or cleaning products in your stocking -- and I'm not kidding. Last year, I gave my mom some Arm 'n' Hammer degreaser, a two-pack of clinical strength deodorant, and some anti-wrinkle cream. Just for good measure, I threw in some nail strengthening orange nail polish, which, if I'm remembering correctly, I haven't seen her wear in quite awhile. I'll have to remind her of that.

Anyway. The point is, you'll never see me on here, or anywhere, bragging about what I got for Christmas. It's just not the way I roll. I love to talk about myself (hence, the blog) but I don't like to talk about things. Things are just blobs of atoms all stuck together in the shape of something you think you need. You can't take it with you, so it's not important.

This year, however, I was given The Greatest Gift of All.

No, no. Not the gift of love, or of higher understanding, or, for my Christian readers, everlastin' salvation. No sirree bub. This year, I got

An XM Radio.

Oh sure. This may seem like no big deal to you. You've probably already got one. And I'm betting that if you don't already have one, it's because you didn't realize that there are nearly twenty talk radio stations on Sirius XM - four of which are public radio.

Do you have any idea what this means?

This means that now I can feed my inner Rainman 24/7 and not even feel guilty about it. This means that if you call my house, and I'm not there, and you keep calling me for like seventeen hours during the day, and I'm still not there, I'm out in my van listening to all the talk that's worth listening to (and a lot that isn't.)

One time, on public radio, I heard a story about a parrot who could add. Another time, I heard an unbelievably good interview with a doctor who performs abortions. (You should have heard it. It may change your mind on the abortion debate, either way you currently stand.) Oh, and don't forget all the political news, and news from around the world. I have never heard of the Tamil Tigers until I started listening to talk radio. Have you? Do you have any idea who the Tamil Tigers are? (Hint: It's not a sports team.) You think al Qaeda is bad? Hooee boy, you haven't been keeping up with the Tamil Tigers. Those fellas are bad news.

So this year, The Hub wins the award for Greatest Gift of All. The best part is, he didn't even make fun of me when I jumped up and down and screamed "Gay Radio! Gay Radio! They have OUT Gay Radio!!"