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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

You say spontaneous like it's a bad thing.

So, apparently we are going on a vacation. In a couple days.

We have to go to Toledo to pick up my stepdaughter on Friday night. Toldeo is halfway between here and where she lives, which is a small enough town that I won't give it's name. But it's south of Columbus, just barely in Ohio. It's far enough south that in the six months she's been there, she is starting to pick up a bit of an accent.

The plan was that stepdaughter's mom would meet us in Toldeo on Monday, since the kids don't have school. But this isn't going to work, because stepdaughter's mom has classes scheduled that day. So she offered to have her new boyfriend (who we do not know) meet us instead, and he would drive M the five hours back home.

The Hub was not comfortable with this. Not in the least. But it seemed pointless to have her here for just one day, since Sunday would be spent packing everything back up and then driving five hours back to Toldeo.

So we made an impromptu decision. We're going to bring her to her house Monday, and according to Google Maps, it's only six and half hours from here. Google does not account for crabby children, potty breaks, and old people in the passing lane. So probably eight hours.

I told The Hub that there was no way in hell I was going to drive all that way just to turn back around and come home. You will never guess what he did next. He asked his ex-wife if we could stay the night there. I am not joking. And she said yes! I am not the jealous type and I don't have any concerns at all about Hub's fidelity, but there is no way I am going to spend the night in a tiny little townhouse with my husband's former wife. NO. WAY.

So I came up with the genius idea of the century. "Why don't we get a hotel suite?" I said. "Then I can use my new ten-dollar swimsuit I just bought." Luckily, The Hub rarely disagrees me, either because I am a controlling, maniacal bitch, or because I have great ideas.

But then we thought, why not make it a vacation? Why not find something to do down in them thar Appalachians? Actually, I don't know if extreme southern Ohio is considered Appalachia. But they sure do talk like it, and I hear they in-breed too. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Okay I just used the most reliable source of information known to man, Google, and turns out that, yep, they do in-breed in Ohio. And it is Appalachia. (Okay so there's no in-breeding. But once I knew this guy from Dayton who pronounced it HOhio, instead of Ohio. Tell me that guy wasn't the product of a first cousin marriage.)

So now I'm checking out Ohio and guess what's in Ohio? The Cincinnati Zoo. And guess what's going on at the Cincinnati Zoo? Penguin Days. I can barely restrain myself. If you go click that Penguin Days link, you will see a penguin exactly like the one I grabbed. I wonder if he has ten thousand friends I can freak out? And I wonder if there are cameras at the Cincinnati Zoo? And I wonder if you can get arrested for scaring penguins in Ohio?

I'm still not sure exactly what we're going to do, where we're going to stay, or how long we're going to be there. But that's why they call me Ninja Freakin' Spontaneous. (Well, they do now.)


iMommy said...

Oh, that sounds like a blast! Take penguin pics for us!

A Good Clean Life said...

Ha! I'm sure you will all have a blast. Penguin days sounds fab!

Jenni said...

it's totally because you have great ideas.

Lisa said...

I don't know about the zoo in Cincy (we've never been) but there is an aquarium there in Newport (right on the KY-Ohio border) that is a lot of fun. We aren't really having the best zoo weather... it's pouring rain right now and we have a wind storm warning in effect. Ohio isn't really south, you know this, right? It touches NY at the top! And Cincy is a decent sized city. Not Appalachia at all. That's more Eastern KY.

Rachel said...

Penguin days! How cool!

I once stayed with my husband's ex-girlfriend's house (where his son lives). We slept in HER bed. Weird, huh?

Ann-Marie Dewhurst said...

Pissing my pants. Cool post. Have a fab holiday!xxx

Vanessa said...

OMG - I laughed so hard at the penguins... I laughed the first time I heard the story too - but seriously this was hilarious.