Just a few more days till The Hub goes under the knife. That's right - he's getting The Big V - vasectomy. He's nervous. And I think that's hilarious.
Four times now - and working on a fifth - I have suffered. Nine long months of suffering. Then I had the joy, four times, to go through that beautiful horrible experience called "labor." (It should be called "Ohmygoditsgoingtocomeoutmybellylikeinthatmoviealien.") And then, joy of joys, I got to, for all practical purposes, poop a pumpkin. Four times. (Oh, and a couple of those "pumpkins" were close to ten pounds. And one came out with her hands by her face. That's like two pumpkins.)
Let's talk about sacrifices, shall we? All the above, plus afterpains. Afterpains are a "good" thing. When you get afterpains, that means your uterus is clamping down so you don't bleed too much. But the thing is, afterpains hurt like a motherbleeper. The last time, six months ago, the afterpains were hella worse than labor itself.
Then, you get to bleed for a month or more. That's right, bleed. Out your vajayjay. And then, on top of all of this, you get to raise the little alien/pumpkin/child that you pushed out. Oh, oh, and if you're really lucky, you get to have major abdominal surgery. You get to have that kid popped out like a pimple, and I've never had it done, but I am guessing that it feels great to recover from. [sarcasm.]
So when my husband gets all upset about have a 1/2" incision in his, um, you know, I'm sorry pal. I just can't feel sorry for you. I'm sympathetic, for sure. I feel bad that you're nervous, and I know it's going to be a little scary. But tell you what. I'll go in with you. I'll even hold your hand.
And I won't make any jokes about Rocky Mountain Oysters, I swear.
My Mom Body (aaay_macaroni)
4 days ago