Call it pregnancy hormones - I'm bumming out.

I am feeling a little bummed because I was promised a baby shower for the new baby, and I'm not getting one.

I didn't really need a baby shower. I have pretty much everything I'll need for the new baby. There are a few things I would like, but they're all frivolous things that I can just get some other time (or live without.) I guess I was just excited because I haven't had a baby shower since EJ was born, and it felt good to be thought about. I've thrown many baby showers for friends and family, regardless of what number baby they were expecting, because it feels good to be remembered, especially in the last months of pregnancy.

Well, I wasn't remembered. I mean, I was, but then the person who was going to host it forgot. I mentioned it a couple times, that we were getting kind of close, and she kept blowing me off, saying "I don't know when to have it" or "I don't know who to invite." (Despite me telling her.) Finally last week I said "So no baby shower then, huh?" and she said "Why not?"

I told her I was due in less than a month and that there wouldn't be time. You can't send out invites a week before and expect anyone to make it. And I don't have time to wait three or four weeks. The baby could come any time - probably not for a few more weeks, but we have to be realistic here.

So my grandma said we should have a baby shower after the baby is born. She's all gung-ho about it. But you know what? I think that's about one of the tackiest things I can think of. I mean I can just see me sitting there looking all awkward (because I always look awkward) holding the new baby and everyone talking around me because everyone always talks around me, not to me. I've never been to a party where anyone talked to me. Shit, I had a couple friends over to my own house and they acted like I didn't exist. They talked over me and didn't seem to hear me when I said anything. It sucked, and I haven't invited anyone over since then.

But anyway. I don't think I will feel up to having a baby shower after the baby's born. I will have five kids, people. I will have five little beings to dress and get cleaned up, and a whole house to clean (since I now have the biggest house of anyone in our family, I have been unofficially chosen to do parties and holidays.) I will be exhausted. I will look like shit. I will be sweating like a pig (because I always sweat profusely for like a month after I give birth) and my hair will be falling out in clumps and I'll be leaking milk and other bodily fluids all over the place and none of my clothes will fit properly...

I feel like shit just thinking about it. And how freaking tacky is it to have a shower after the baby is born. I might as well just write everyone a note saying "Send money."

I guess I'm just bummed about the whole situation. I'll never have another opportunity for a baby shower. It would have been fine if no one had offered to have one. But now I feel like an idiot for spending all that time preparing my baby registry and looking at shower themes and everything. I should have known I wouldn't be important enough.