Conversations with Beastie, age 26 months

Beastie applied "lipstick" with a crayon and put on her purple sunglasses that Grandma gave her.

"How do my wook?" she asked me.

"You look very nice," I answered.

She put her hand on her hip and cocked her head at me.

"I no wook nice," she said, indignantly. "I wook GREAT!"

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The kids and I were talking about the things moms do in labor, such as swaying their hips, moaning, even crying and yelling. At that moment, I got a very appropriately timed, and very strong, Braxton Hicks contraction, so I leaned on the table and rocked from side to side, to show the kids what to expect. As I did this, Beastie looked at me in utter disgust and said "Mom! Stop shakin' you booty!"

It's funny because I have never in my life referred to any part of anyone's body as a "booty." I have no idea where she heard that.

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The dog has had some potty issues since we've moved (although it's getting a lot better.) Beastie happened to be present as I gave the dog a thorough tongue-lashing - the kind that ends with "I am so sick of this shit!"
She knelt down to comfort the dog (who needed no comforting whatsoever, since he doesn't understand English) and looked up at me. "You no say shit!" she said, pointing her finger at me. "Dat's BERY naughny!"

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Beastie doesn't miss a thing that happens in our house. Case in point:

Me: What does a dog say?

Her: Woof woof.

Me: And what does kitty say?

Her: Meow.

Me: How about a baby?

Her: Waaah!

Me: What does Mommy say?

Her: Wuv you!

Me: And what does Daddy say?

Her (in a gruff voice): Clean your room!